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My main identifiable disability, in my mind, is my awkwardness of speech.  I don't stutter.  It's not that.  And i can give directions and customer support and be professional on the phone or in person all day long.  It's just that when i have something to say.  Something that means something to me.  Something that i really want to communicate, i cry. And i don't cry pretty.  And i don't say anything intelligible while crying either.  It's awful. One remedy to this disability, i have found, is to turn my emotions in another direction, and get mad.  At least if i'm mad and yelling, you can understand what i'm saying.  But it only works for things i'm upset about.  Not things that i'm happy about.  And sometimes the yelling turns to crying when i come to the end.  And that's never a good way to strike home a good telling off. Never. I have broken down crying, on more than one occasion, while telling my boss that i'm ...

I read a friend's post today, and i read some really beautiful words that articulated things in my heart that i've never had the right words for.  And it blessed my socks off.  (so to speak.) The post i'm about to quote is found HERE .  And you should definitely read it because her point was very different from what i think my point is going to be.  And it will bless your socks off too.  Pretty much guaranteed. But here's the part i like the most: From him I learned that being called "weird" was just a person's way of trying to fence in what they couldn't understand. "You don't have to be like them," my parents would tell me, when I came home from school in tears because I was so weird. So I learned how to be an alien in this world, how to accept people and their limitations and how to not take myself too seriously. Being weird taught me how everyone is weird, really. There is no normal, because you can't average humanity. ...

A few years ago, i was in a ladies' meeting here in town, and a beautiful older lady, whom i cherish and treasure, and who is very hard of hearing, introduced me to some other ladies and told them that i was a botanist.   Ha! What i had told her was that i had talked to a botanist.  But it was a nice thought. The sadness is that one of the surest ways to kill a plant seems to be to give it to me.  I've actually managed to kill ivy in a jar of water before.  I can't even figure out how.   And yet, i aspire to learn to grow things in the ground.  I am constantly fascinated by the plants and trees and flowers around me.  I just can't help it.  I love plants.  And i yearn to learn to make them grow. ~~~~~ Before i got married, i thought i knew how to cook.  In fact, i thought i was a good cook.  And that was not untrue.  I knew how to do a good job with pretty much everything i was accustomed to and enjoye...

I was standing in the shower sometime last week or something when a song popped in my head. I am a promise! I am a possibility! I am a promise! With a capital P! I am a great big bundle of POTENTIALITY! And i am learning to hear God's voice, and i am trying to make the right choice. I am a possibility! Anything God wants me to be! If you didn't sing this song when you were a little girl (or boy), google "i am a promise song" for some fun you tube videos of children i don't know, singing it.  :)  Adorable. Are you ready for some sappy blogging?  Here it is. Today i turned 37.  I have not been looking forward to this birthday.  I have been passive aggressively NOT looking forward to it for a little while now.  It's like that number that tips me over the edge from being "in my thirties," to being "in my late thirties," which when i'm feeling a little discouraged about my age-to-goals-reached ratio, quickly turns into a big ba...

I should definitely be in bed right now. But i'm up, figuratively biting my literal fingernails, in suspense to find out how Gabby Douglas did in the all-around finals 12 hours or so ago. I've been rooting for her since i saw her wonderful jumping bean olympic body dancing all over the Olympic trials a couple months ago. And i'm pretty sure she won gold today, but very eager to find out for sure. If you haven't been watching the Olympics, or women's gymnastics, please don't give up on me. That paragraph was just a distracting opener. It's a writing technique. I think. Did it work? I have a friend at my place of employment, who i have known not quite as well as i'd like to, for close to ten years, off and on. She's an amazing woman. In her 70+ years, fighting cancer, she's healthier and in better shape than most 25 year-olds. What's even better is that her heart is in the right place. She spends her vacations tending to disabled o...

I am the happy current possessor of my late grandmother's journals.  They were passed around the family for ten years or so before they got to me.  But now i have them.  And i love them.  Journals are neat to read because you get to know that person's individual writing style/thinking style while you're reading.  Grandma's journals start in the late 70s.  She's not a big talker.  She doesn't go on and on about her thoughts.  She mostly makes a record of the weather, where she went that day, who she saw, and sometimes gives a one or two word commentary about how she enjoyed that day.  Grandma's entries are so short that a 5x7 inch page usually has 4 days worth of entries on it - and sometimes as many as 8!   I noticed something interesting in Grandma's writing that i later realized i recognized from the familial jargon of her children (my aunts, uncles and dad).  It's has to do with identifying a married couple by one name. ...

The last time my gun-slingin' super hero had to go out of town for work, i was displaced from my home because of having only 1/4 or so of a bathroom in my house--and none of the important parts. This time is better.  My beloved hero spouse left just one day after the one-year anniversary of the fire that destroyed our former bathroom.  This time, i have Über cool new bathroom, comfy home, and air conditioned vehicle.  And still, it gets awfully lonely around here in the evening. I miss him.  And i'm grateful. We're pretty stuck on each other, the hubby and me.  I am blessed beyond measure. And i am really looking forward to Friday. Until then, i'll be the substitute gunslinger around here. Absolutely cannot get enough of that. This has been a short, excuse of a blog, all about feeling lonely and missing my man.