One?
Here is a topic that has been tumbling about in my head for a goodly number of days, every since my friend, Jess, wrote this blog entry about marriage, "Kiss Dating Hello." I thought about excerpting it here, but you really just need to read it. Read the comments too. Go ahead. I'll wait.
Finished?
O.k., good, now we can go on. Before i get started, please let me say that Jess is my friend, and this discussion is simply that. There is no ill will. I just think this is a topic worth discussing.
Is there only ONE person on this earth for you, in God's perfect will? Should you agonize over your mate, or just pick a good candidate and get it over with?
My friend, Kris, commented on Jess' post about how Christian circles tend not to bring up the possibility that God might have a life of singleness, fully devoted to HIM, in mind for you life, a subject that the apostle, Paul, did bring up. I think this is an excellent point. EXCELLENT point.
Here's my take on the whole thing, after days of tumbling it about in my head, i come to one thing.
The person you marry, if you do marry, will affect your life, and probably every decision in your life, for the rest of your life. Even if everything goes horribly wrong, and you are forced to be split apart from this person, you will have been deeply affected, for life. I think that this is the one decision that you should belabor endlessly, until you are so sure that you are in the will of God, that you can't deny it. Until you're so sure, that you are sure that you'll be sinning if you don't marry this person. Really sure.
Here's a little more of why: sometimes marriage stinks. No matter how good your marriage is, and i have a pretty stinking good one, sometimes marriage stinks. It's just the truth; ask any married person. If you have married, and you are unsure about whether you were in God's will, when things aren't as pleasant as you think they ought to be, you will question yourself. Did i marry the wrong person? Don't ever allow that. If you know that you know, from the beginning, then you'll know that God knew all the stinky parts of your marriage from the beginning. And you can walk through them to all the flowery parts.
If you have read this far in this post, and you are not someone who considers "God's will for your life" something to be considered, i have no advice for you. I have no idea how anyone's marriage is successful without God.
I knew my husband for ten years before i married him. And even then, it took two dreams and a vision, and a lot of prayer, to convince me that i should marry. And when i did marry him, i knew that i was doing what God wanted. I had complete peace ( i don't believe in cold feet ). I knew that i knew. And i know that i know, even when it stinks, that i was made for him, and him for me. And i don't think anyone should do it any other way.
That's just my take on it. I would love to read your opinions and thoughts on it.
Ready. Set. WRASSLE.
Finished?
O.k., good, now we can go on. Before i get started, please let me say that Jess is my friend, and this discussion is simply that. There is no ill will. I just think this is a topic worth discussing.
Is there only ONE person on this earth for you, in God's perfect will? Should you agonize over your mate, or just pick a good candidate and get it over with?
My friend, Kris, commented on Jess' post about how Christian circles tend not to bring up the possibility that God might have a life of singleness, fully devoted to HIM, in mind for you life, a subject that the apostle, Paul, did bring up. I think this is an excellent point. EXCELLENT point.
Here's my take on the whole thing, after days of tumbling it about in my head, i come to one thing.
The person you marry, if you do marry, will affect your life, and probably every decision in your life, for the rest of your life. Even if everything goes horribly wrong, and you are forced to be split apart from this person, you will have been deeply affected, for life. I think that this is the one decision that you should belabor endlessly, until you are so sure that you are in the will of God, that you can't deny it. Until you're so sure, that you are sure that you'll be sinning if you don't marry this person. Really sure.
Here's a little more of why: sometimes marriage stinks. No matter how good your marriage is, and i have a pretty stinking good one, sometimes marriage stinks. It's just the truth; ask any married person. If you have married, and you are unsure about whether you were in God's will, when things aren't as pleasant as you think they ought to be, you will question yourself. Did i marry the wrong person? Don't ever allow that. If you know that you know, from the beginning, then you'll know that God knew all the stinky parts of your marriage from the beginning. And you can walk through them to all the flowery parts.
If you have read this far in this post, and you are not someone who considers "God's will for your life" something to be considered, i have no advice for you. I have no idea how anyone's marriage is successful without God.
I knew my husband for ten years before i married him. And even then, it took two dreams and a vision, and a lot of prayer, to convince me that i should marry. And when i did marry him, i knew that i was doing what God wanted. I had complete peace ( i don't believe in cold feet ). I knew that i knew. And i know that i know, even when it stinks, that i was made for him, and him for me. And i don't think anyone should do it any other way.
That's just my take on it. I would love to read your opinions and thoughts on it.
Ready. Set. WRASSLE.
'The One' is a myth ... but like you, it took a word from God (in my case an audible one!) to point me in the right direction. It took him 7 months to be as sure as I was from day 1, but we coped and have now been married 17 years (+ two children).
ReplyDeleteIt did give our relationship an amazing level of security, which we might not otherwise have had (there's quite an age gap) ... but I wouldn't recommend it as a method of finding your life's partner.
The most destructive myth of all is 'falling in love'. Love is a decision, and one we have to make every morning as we wake up ... to make this person the priority in our lives. The same is true of our relationship with God, and also our children - although our love for them is somehow more instinctive, it is quickly stretched to it's limits by exhaustion!
Okay...
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I dated for a total of thirty days before I asked HIM to marry ME.
http://ifmylifewereabookramblings.blogspot.com/2011/03/watching-man-work.html
Sometimes I get a little uncomfortable when I hear people talk about how long they waited to be sure (wondering if I... WE were foolish). I had played the dating game for so long, though, that I knew that I knew he was the one. We both knew. It was a no-brainer.
Having said that, that first year of marriage was really a year of getting to know one another. And finding out we were expecting. And moving... twice (all in that first year... military life!). It was NOT a bed of roses or some sappy honeymoon year.
I agree with DevonMaid right above me... love is a decision. Every day. Even when things "stink" (as you said, Beth).
Eighteen years have passsed us by. I wouldn't trade our beginnings for anything, even the stinky stuff.
Thanks for sharing the link, Beth. Looks like a thought-provoking blog to follow.
Ha! Wrassle, on. :)
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking about writing a little more about it, since I thought of more I wanted to say. I appreciate your thoughts, I get what you're saying. More to come...
My mom chose my husband and as God worked the circumstances to bring us together she made sure I didn't mess things up. We'll be married 20 years this fall. Dating caused us both to bring in a lot of baggage. It haunted our marriage but the Lord has taken that from us. We both wish we hadn't dated the way we did.
ReplyDeleteInterestingly, our son has decided on his own not to date. He does seek the girl God has for him, prays for her, establishes friendships. But he's waiting for God to say, "that one". And although my mom chose well for me, I'm okay with my son's method.
I have met "the one." As soon as I said "I do" my husband became "the one." I completely agree that you should be so sure about who you're marrying that there is no question. I honestly don't know if I would have gone to a different college and met a different man if I would be in a different spot than I am now, but now that I am married, there are no other options.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I believe that dating (or not dating) standards can be different for different people (and still be Biblical.) But I know that my husband and I never dated anyone else other than each other, and that's been something precious to us. Not everyone can or does have a story like that, but we do. It's a blessing. I didn't have a date until my junior year of college. Ever. But looking back, it was so worth it. Yay for not dating as a teenager.
There was never supposed to be The One for me, and I could not accept it. I was too ticked off to even think straight. I got married because I wanted to, and because I felt like a failure because everyone else was married and I, a fat woman, was sick of hearing that I needed to lose weight to be happy. So, the first guy I could snare, I forced to marry me. On the day of the wedding, God almost audibly told me not to marry him. I did it anyway. It lasted three months.
ReplyDeleteLord, please here me. I am saying it again: THANK YOU.
I look at my life now, and all the ways the Lord has asked me to serve Him, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that this is what I was called to do. Not because I am inferior, fat, hard to deal with, opinionated, stubborn and strong. But because this is what I was created to do: Obey God.
EXCELLENT comments, y'all! Thank you so much for adding your experiences.
ReplyDeleteAlso, check out Jess' blog again. She updated her views on the whole dating thing.