not an essay

i think i need to write more.

sometimes writing isn't just my venue for speaking; it's also my venue for thinking. and i know i'm not completely crazy on that count because i remember reading/knowing that the essay is a means of writing to solve a problem. i identify with having an unsolved problem at the beginning of a writing, but at the end of the "writing" having solved the problem.

i don't know if i have a problem per say, so i won't call this an essay, per say.

i think that when i don't write, i don't fully process - it's kind of like dreaming. when i don't write, i have a harder time staying/getting up the next day. or more accurately to my experience, since i haven't been doing much writing, i have an easier time staying/getting up when i have written. sometimes, however, i can exercise the part of my brain that puts things in order, and that has a similar function for settling things in my mind - you know like, i can put together a puzzle, or solve a genealogical mystery. both of these things usually last long into the wee hours of the morning, so it's especially noticeable if i'm then more awake the next day.

i've had an especially difficult time getting into God's Word lately. and i've put it off even more after having opened up the Word and then staring blankly at the page, reading words but not knowing what i read.

however, i have enjoyed a couple of televised Bible teachings. and those help me be more interested in the Word. i am fully aware that the Word is my life blood. and i know that the enemy would like little more than for me to stop getting in the Word altogether. so i have a new strategy.

i have, over the years, accumulated a fairly thick stack of recordings of teachings/sermons, etc. from CTK. this is partly because i served in the nursery about every month for 3 or 4 years, and when you serve in the nursery, if you remember to ask for it, you get a free recording of the sermon that you missed. these messages that i have on cd, however, i have for the most part, never listened to. so i have collected a great stack of them, and i have them ready for tomorrow. i don't plan to listen to all of them tomorrow. probably i'll listen to only one of them, truth be told.

but if i remember correctly, the Word of God tells me to stir up the gift of God within me. is that about right? well, this seems like a good method. it really is true that we need each other. i'm so thankful for the body of Christ. i don't know where i would be if it weren't for the "encouraging one another..." that i have experienced over the years.

o.k. well, the other thing is happening that also helps me sleep better, i'm having a little happy thankful cry.

i guess i'll go now.

ha! maybe that was an essay!